Popping the Angst Bubble

OK, so you know how when you're overinflating a balloon, in the few breaths right before it pops you think it won't possibly expand any further, and then finally it explodes and all the air comes flying out?

Angst is totally like that.

Now I'm not one to go airing my relationship laundry all over a blog for everyone to see, so I will keep this short. There was a breakup, after a marvelous weekend which completely prohibits me from being angry or harboring any bad feelings (this in some ways makes breaking up even worse, but at least I will remember things well). It was more or less mutual (in that it wasn't my idea, but I agreed that it was the right thing) and based on the fear that I'd get back from China and we'd become one of those couples out of comfort and convenience (both of which were/are abundant) that don't have the relationship "stuff" and eventually fizzle out to a slow and painful death. So that's the short version.

Obviously the whole thing was totally awful and not fun and I was really unhappy, not to mention the fact that none of my friends were picking up their phones so I couldn't get any of that "he is so not good enough for you" stuff that always makes things better.

On the other hand, there has been this big bubble of fear and anxiety, all centered around going to China (but less really about going to China than about leaving home), that was finally pushed over the threshold by this new little angst fiesta and has now totally exploded. So yes, the breakup is still a downer, and I'm still a little perturbed by the fact that I don't know where I'm going to be sleeping my first night in Kunming, but all the pent-up ickiness has been let out into the ether for someone else to enjoy, and instead there is room in my little emotional space for excitement. Therefore:

I'm getting on a plane to China in less than 20 hours! This is going to be totally incredible!

And of course wonderfully, thrillingly, terrifying and angst-ridden. :)

I've got a whole day of laundry and packing to do tomorrow, so it's off to bed for me. One more post on this side of the Pacific!