Thrown for a Loop

So after being on a 5-day exercise-induced endorphin high, I have finally officially crashed. Walking up the stairs is hard. Keeping my eyes open is hard. Thinking is hard. Doing breakfalls, oddly enough, is less hard, maybe because it is the only thing I know how to do anymore.

But somewhere in all the haze of not falling over, there is a beautiful sense of contentment with the world. Maybe because I totally brought this on myself. Maybe because I am too tired to care about pretty much anything. (Example: I got a long-awaited email today with lots of details about my study abroad program, which objectively sounds awesome, but all I could really process was, "oh. this is nice.") Or maybe because in retrospect the last five days of feeling blissfully on top of the world were totally worth it. In aikido (because of course I can only speak in terms of the activity that has so seriously impaired my cognitive abilities) we talk about being shite, the one in control, and uke, the one who is off-balance, and the fact that a complete study includes both parts. We can never always be in charge of our lives, and sometimes things will go badly and we have to regain our footing later on (after a stunningly impressive breakfall, perhaps?). Well, for now, I am definitely studying being off-balance. And while this might be the extreme fatigue talking, it feels a whole lot like that moment when someone's just executed a throw with perfect timing, and you don't quite know how you ended up in the air with your feet over your head, but it's rather comfortable and there's air flowing past your face as you spin. And even though you have absolutely no idea what is going on around you and you may appear to have just been thoroughly beaten, your body knows exactly what's going on and in a split second, you will absorb the shock, land unharmed, and come right back for more.

right back...*yawn*...or maybe not til tomorrow.